Category: Intended Parent

Baby Shower Ideas for Intended Parents

Baby Shower Ideas for Intended Parents

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Intended parents can find it difficult and confusing to throw a baby shower, since questions like ‘Should we invite the surrogate mother?’ and ‘How do we tell our families and friends about this occasion?’ can arise.

And since surrogacy is a relatively new process, there’s no established tradition in how to throw a baby shower. So to help get you started in planning the perfect baby shower as intended parents, here are some ideas:

If you’re planning a baby shower, consider inviting the surrogate mother – if you have a close relationship with her. If your relationship with her is more on the ‘professional’ level, it might not be so appropriate to invite her – after all, you don’t have a close or a personal relationship.

If you do have a close relationship with her, consider including her name on the invites you send out. It might read something like: “You are invited to attend a baby shower of (baby’s name), Proud parents to be (your names), proud surrogate mother (her name.)

If you invite your surrogate mother to the baby shower, it’s a good idea to suggest that your other guests bring her some small gifts, so that she doesn’t feel left out of the party. Small tokens are just fine – the important thing to remember is to credit her, to make her feel appreciated for all her efforts.

If your relationship with the surrogate mother is close, inviting her to the baby shower is a really good idea; she’ll feel touched to be recognized in this way, and the baby shower may become a treasured memory for her, a highlight of the surrogacy experience.

On the other hand, if your relationship isn’t especially close, and it would therefore be awkward to invite her, you could instead consider throwing her a surprise party after giving birth, or simply give her some presents as a token of gratitude for her contribution to your family.

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Surrogacy Contracts: 3 Helpful Tips Every Intended Parent Should Know

Surrogacy Contracts: 3 Helpful Tips Every Intended Parent Should Know

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Intended parents can face a lot of confusion regarding the legal aspects of surrogacy, and one of the biggest sources of confusion in the surrogacy process is the surrogacy contract. The surrogacy contract refers to the legal agreement between the intended parents and the surrogate. The contract lists all legal provisions and agreements related to the process of surrogacy. Having a legal contract between a surrogate and the intended parents is very important to avoid any future legal conflicts. In the event of unforeseen circumstances, the surrogacy contract will act as a legal guide for both intended parents and the surrogate.

In order to get a better understanding of surrogacy contracts, here are 3 of the most important things every intended parent should know:

Tip 1. Surrogacy contracts differ from state to state.
Every state recognizes surrogacy as a reproductive option, but while some states have passed laws and statutes defining the surrogacy process, others do not have specific laws addressing surrogacy. In most states where surrogacy is recognized, there are laws and statutes that define the paternity of the child, the financial obligations and the rights of the intended parents and the surrogate. It is very important to know what the local laws and statutes are before getting into any legal contract with a surrogate. Reproductive specialty lawyers who specialize in surrogacy can help intended parents better understand all the different laws and statutes on surrogacy. Surrogate agencies will employ reproductive specialty lawyers for intended parents and surrogates in order to ensure that each party is legally protected.

Tip 2. The surrogacy contract is essential.
The surrogacy contract is very important to avoid any future legal conflicts that may arise during the process of surrogacy. A surrogacy contract is a binding and enforceable legal contract for the intended parents and surrogate. It pre-defines the paternity of the child and both the financial and behavioral responsibilities of each party. The surrogacy contract allows each party (meaning the intended parents and the surrogate) to state their own intentions and responsibilities to one another, and it establishes guidelines for what actions will be taken in the event of medical complications such as the number of embryos to be transferred at one time, if selective reduction is an acceptable option, and which type of delivery method will be used. All of these agreements and conditions are very important to avoid any legal conflicts that may arise during and after the surrogacy process. Surrogate agencies can provide helpful information on the different aspects included in a surrogacy contract.

Tip 3. The surrogacy contract should be reviewed by reproductive specialty lawyers representing each party.
Neither the intended parents nor the surrogate are required by law to use a reproductive specialty lawyer’s services for the surrogacy contract. However, it is highly advisable that the surrogacy contract be reviewed by a reproductive specialty lawyer in order to be certain that the child’s paternity is pre-established, and to properly identify the financial and medical obligations of each party. It is also recommended that both the surrogate and the intended parents have their own reproductive specialty lawyers review the surrogacy contract. Each reproductive specialty lawyer will review the surrogacy contract to ensure that the client’s responsibilities, rights, and paternity are properly identified. In most cases, surrogate agencies will provide both the intended parents and the surrogate with their own reproductive specialty lawyer.

The surrogate process can be confusing for intended parents, and reviewing and understanding the surrogacy contract is one of the best ways to clear up that confusion. The structure and clarity the surrogacy contract provides can help intended parents to feel comfortable and confident throughout the surrogate process.

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Intended Parents 101: Preparing for the Arrival of Your Baby

Intended Parents 101: Preparing for the Arrival of Your Baby

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Fortunately, the nine months between your baby’s conception and arrival gives you plenty of time to prepare. Here are some important tips to help you get ready for the arrival of your new baby:

Learn about the birth process with your surrogate
Because the thought of birth can be very overwhelming (even to an experienced surrogate mother), it’s best to discuss the details with her.

Find a doctor for your surrogate and baby
The best time to find an obstretican is before the fertility treatment starts – during the treatment, things will be hectic. Start looking midway through the surrogate’s pregnancy, around the 4-5 month point. This may seem early, but you’ll want to give yourself plenty of time to find a physician who’ll be a good fit for your family, who accepts your insurance, and who is taking new patients. Ask the people you know for references.

Get on the same page with your surrogate
An important aspect of planning is to inform your surrogate – she should be well informed about the different plans you and your partner have during and after the delivery of the child.

Talk to veteran moms about birth and baby care
Veteran moms have valuable knowledge you can use when your baby comes. They can provide great suggestions and tips on things you need to expect when your child arrives.

Prepare older siblings and pets (if any)
Many parents use a baby doll to help their child understand what’s coming. Older toddlers or pre-schoolers will enjoy the pretend play; when they see you diapering or feeding the new baby later, it will seem familiar. Pets also benefit from special pre-baby preparation. Local trainers may offer classes, or you can turn to books, articles, or videos for tips on teaching your pet and eventually your baby how to respect each other.

Decide who will attend the birth
This is a very personal decision. Some intended parents like a full room while others prefer as few people present as possible. Give some thought to what you want, so that there are no misunderstandings, unwelcome observers, or offended grandmothers. Make sure to also speak about this decision with your surrogate so she will not be surprised at the hospital.

Pack your bag
The last thing you’ll want to worry about when your surrogate goes into labor is whether you have everything packed. Ease your mind by getting your bag together a few weeks before your due date. Important things to bring should include all the legal documents, as well as any gift you may be presenting to your surrogate. Remember, a new baby requires an installed car seat, diapers, wipes, some clothing, and a safe place to sleep.

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Intended Parents 101

Intended Parents 101: Is Surrogacy Right for Us?

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Before you choose to go with surrogacy, you and your spouse or partner need to ask yourselves some questions; it’s a life-changing decision that requires mutual agreement, and it shouldn’t be taken lightly.

Some of the most important questions are:

“How will you handle a surrogate carrying your baby?”
The relationship between the surrogate and the intended parents can be as close or as limited as the parties agree upon, but it’s generally encouraged that the intended parents and surrogate communicate on a daily basis, attend all doctor appointments, and socialize on a regular basis. This allows the intended parents to feel that they are part of the pregnancy and are bonding with the baby.

“How can we be sure we have a compatible surrogate?”
The most critical step in the surrogacy process is selecting a surrogate that closely matches your and your spouse’s values, personality, and beliefs. This is accomplished through the agency that you and your spouse hire; each party will complete a profile that compiles personal information about you and your spouse and the surrogate and her spouse (if she is married). Once a potential match is located and properly screened, the agency will arrange a meeting of all parties.

“How much are we willing to financially invest in trying to have a baby?”
You and your spouse need to research the costs involved in using a surrogate to have a child – they’ll depend upon which medical procedures need to be performed, the agency fees, and the surrogate fees. The surrogacy agency will be able to provide you with an estimated breakdown to help you figure this out.

If you decide to choose surrogacy as a path to having a baby, it’s very important the relationship between both parties be protected. This is accomplished by selecting an agency that is not strictly a matching service – pick one that’s knowledgeable about surrogacy laws in your state, that carefully screens all surrogates, that is willing to act as a mediator between the surrogate and intended parents, ensures all legal and hospital matters are handled, and is available to walk all parties through each step of the process.

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Intended Parents 101

Intended Parents 101: Common Questions Answered

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Understandably, intended parents tend to have a lot of questions. Here are three (and their answers!) to get you started:

Why do I need a legal surrogacy agreement?
A legal surrogacy agreement – your surrogacy contract, that is, drafted by a specialized surrogacy attorney – attempts to cover all the “what ifs” in the process, addressing every issue that may arise.

For example, what if the surrogate changes her mind and wants to keep the baby? What if the intended parents split up while the surrogate is pregnant? What if the surrogate is pregnant with multiple fetuses? A well-drafted surrogacy agreement will answer all these questions (and many more), and be clear as to each party’s intent. The agreement should not only cover the important details of the arrangement but also establish each party’s legal rights and address their responsibilities too.

Can I use a ready-made contract I found on the Internet, or create my own?
This is very heavily not-recommended. A surrogacy agreement or contract is more complicated than you may think. The costs you anticipate saving by preparing the agreement yourself do not begin to outweigh the risks or legal consequences for a poorly drafted agreement.

Most of the agreements found on the Internet are too general in nature. Not only do they lack case law as they pertain to your specific surrogacy journey, they almost never provide enough protection for all involved parties or detail the specifics of your surrogacy arrangement.

The best and most practical way to get a well drafted surrogacy contract would be to enlist the help of a reliable surrogate agency that has years of experience and can provide a solid reliable reproductive lawyer.

What is required to ensure I am my child’s legal parent?
So, you have an agreement drafted by a legal professional, you’ve had the transfer, your surrogate is pregnant and you’re a few months away from realizing your dreams! Now what? Besides the decorating, shopping, baby shower and all-around giddiness you feel every day knowing your baby is on the way, you must again return to the legal issues and obtain a judgment of parentage which declares the Intended parent(s) the parent(s) and gives them all legal rights and adjudges that the surrogate and her husband (if any) have no legal rights.

Typically, this judgment is obtained pre-birth. There are some situations where your attorney may suggest that one parent needs to “adopt” the child. When you meet with your attorney, they will advise you on which manner you must proceed. Legally, this is your final step.

Once the judgment is obtained, your attorney will forward a certified copy to the hospital your surrogate will be delivering at and it is always best to keep an additional copy in your hospital bag and then just wait for the glorious day of your child’s birth.

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Important Things You Need to Know After IVF

Important Things You Need to Know After IVF

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After an embryo transfer, a lot of tension and anxiety can happen. For first-time surrogates and intended parents, questions begin to linger in their minds – “Should I be on bed rest for the first two or three days?”, “What foods should I eat?”, “How active can I be during the two-week wait, and “Will our surrogate get pregnant?”

These questions are all important to comprehend, and advice can vary from doctor to doctor. The really important thing to remember is that there’s no guarantee of pregnancy through IVF – there are a lot of factors involved in the process.

Some common suggestions recommended by doctors are:

1. No heavy lifting for the first 48 hours after IVF transfer.

2. No strenuous physical activities like running or aerobics.

3. No alcohol, drugs or smoking.

4. No intercourse until a fetal heartbeat is determined.

5. Bed rest for the first two days after the IVF transfer.

It’s very important to remember that these instructions do differ between doctors.

As intended parents, if you want to be more sure that these instructions are followed, it might be helpful to assist – or have someone assist – your surrogate during the first two days after the IVF transfer. Run the errands that the surrogate needs done, prepare meals for her and her family, help with laundry and so forth.
The surrogate is likely to really appreciate your help while she’s on bed-rest, while you yourself would have peace of mind that the surrogate is following her doctor’s instructions.

In most cases, the transfer’s success is known after ten days. On the tenth day after the transfer, the surrogate goes back to the IVF clinic to see if the embryo has implanted into the uterus.

On Day 12 after the embryo transfer, the fertility clinic checks to see if the HcG (Human Chorionic Gonadotropin) level has doubled – if it has, then the embryo is properly growing.

The In Vitro Fertilization procedure is not 100% successful; not every embryo transfer will result in a pregnancy. In the event that it doesn’t, it’s important not to make any rash decisions until the intended parents have had an opportunity to discuss the outcome with the doctor.

The doctor may have some insight about why the transfer was a failure – poor embryo quality, poor uterine lining or genetic problems are all possibilities.
Surrogacy is never a certain process, and the better you understand it, the better you’ll be able to plan your next steps. Proper medical advice will help the intended parents understand the best way to move forward.

There are a lot of important aspects of surrogacy that need to be properly understood. Knowing them will help intended parents better comprehend the process of surrogacy.

The issue of bed rest after an IVF transfer is still under debate; so far, nothing has been proven. Remember, it’s at the discretion of your doctor to give all the necessary instructions to your surrogate – first and foremost, pay attention to your doctor’s advice.

Your Next Step

To find the surrogate mother that’s right for you and your family, simply fill out our easy free online application and a Surrogacy Agency in Arkansas caseworker will contact you within 24 hours (during the business week) to discuss your application, answer any questions you might have, and outline the next steps. And in the meantime, you can also download our free reports to get even more information on surrogacy and the surrogate experience.

8 Important Medical Procedures Involved in Surrogacy

8 Important Medical Procedures Involved in Surrogacy

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Once the legal contract is in place, the surrogate and her intended parents can begin the medical aspect of surrogacy. This can be confusing for first-timers – a good understanding of how these procedures work might give useful insights into what to expect in the surrogacy process.

1. Once the surrogate mother has been matched with her intended parents, she will undergo a full medical examination with a fertility doctor. She’ll have blood drawn to evaluate her hormone levels, and to see if she might have any infectious diseases.

She’ll also undergo a sonohysterogram, which allows the doctor to evaluate the capability of her uterus to carry a pregnancy to term. If the doctor finds cysts, fibroids or endometriosis in her uterus, the process with that particular surrogate may be delayed or cancelled.

2. After all of the results have been assessed and they have met the required standards, the In Vitro Fertilization process can begin. The surrogate mother and intended parent will consult with a fertility doctor, who will guide them through this process.

The intended mother and the surrogate will receive medications – some oral, some injected – that will synchronize their menstrual cycles, stimulate the intended mother’s eggs and prepare the surrogate’s uterine lining to receive the embryos.

3. The eggs are conveyed from the intended mother in a procedure called ‘egg retrieval.’ She’s usually sedated for about an hour while the eggs are harvested.

The eggs are then taken to an embryologist, who combines them with the intended father’s sperm in a laboratory. These new embryos are then cultivated for three to five days.

4. Using a very fine catheter, the cultivated embryos are then transferred into the surrogate’s uterus. The surrogate is awake for this procedure, which isn’t painful. Medications that the surrogate has taken will cause the lining of her uterus to thicken, in order to accept the transferred embryos.

5. The surrogate mother may be advised to rest for approximately 24-72 hours following the embryo transfer, in order to ensure the best opportunity for the embryos to implant in her uterine lining.

6. Ten days later, the surrogate will have a blood test to determine whether pregnancy has been achieved. If the tests are positive, the surrogate will be advised about what further medication or hormone support she’ll need, if any.

7. Once the fertility doctor considers the pregnancy stable – usually after 12 weeks – the surrogate will be referred to her preferred obstetrician for the remainder of the pregnancy and the birth.

8. Until she delivers the baby, the surrogate’s pregnancy will be monitored by an obstetrician. She’ll undergo regular hormone monitoring and ultrasounds to check on the status of her pregnancy.

These are the typical stages in a surrogacy, although it’s important to remember that every journey is different and these steps are only a representative example.

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Ideal Gifts for Your Surrogate Mother

Ideal Gifts for Your Surrogate Mother

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A successful surrogacy journey is, in itself, a gift for everyone involved. But traditionally, gift-giving is a very common custom – many surrogate mothers and intended parents have the desire anyway to give something to the other. It might be a symbol of their friendship, a memento of the experience, or just a thank-you.

The gifts don’t have to be expensive – after all, it’s the thought that counts. Here are some suggestions.

First meeting gifts

One of the ideal gifts to give to a surrogate mother on the first meeting is something personal and home-made – baked goods, for instance.

Another good gift is something for your surrogate’s children; coloring books or small toys might be a good idea.

The really important rule for gifts at the first meeting is that it should be something thoughtful, as opposed to something expensive – really, an expensive gift is only going to make the surrogate uncomfortable.

During the transfer

This is another good time to gift your surrogate. It’s important to remember that the gift should be symbolic of the embryo transfer, or the future pregnancy. Some ideas might include fertility charms, surrogacy T-shirts, maybe pregnancy test kits bundled with pregnancy-related items.

Another angle to take could be paperback novels, DVDs, or a gift certificate to a local delivery restaurant – something to keep the surrogate mother happily occupied while she’s on bed-rest after the embryo transfer.

During pregnancy

Gifts during pregnancy are often a good idea – regularly, on some occasions, or just once.

This is an area where it’s especially important to consider the surrogate’s own personality and needs – some suggestions might be gift certificates at a local restaurant, gift baskets with bath products, or a certificate for a spa treatment.

At birth

This is the best time to give something to your surrogate mother. The gift doesn’t necessarily have to be expensive – it’s more important to celebrate the occasion.

Sentimental gifts – mementos – are the best kind; ‘name a star’, bonsai trees, perhaps an album as a keepsake. Other gifts might include something for her children,or gift certificates that she could use post-pregnancy.

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3 Tips To Consider Before Using A Friend Or Relative As Your Surrogate Mother

3 Tips To Consider Before Using A Friend Or Relative As Your Surrogate Mother

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Being told that you need a surrogate mother to carry your baby is an overwhelming experience. If you are like most intended parents, your first instinct is to ask a friend or relative to be your surrogate. You may think this is the best choice for you since you will feel comfortable knowing that your surrogate is someone that you trust to carry your child, and also because your friend or relative will probably not demand as much money as an unknown surrogate would demand, so you would save money. There some important things to consider before choosing a friend or relative to be your surrogate mother.

3 Tips To Consider Before Using A Friend Or Relative As Your Surrogate Mother

The surrogacy process is long and intense for the surrogate mother. First, she must pass medical tests before the physician will allow her to proceed as your surrogate. Another important screening test that you would have to get your friend or relative to undergo would be a psychological test. This screening test can be a bit difficult to ask from your friend or relative but it is important. The stress and emotional complications associated with the process of surrogacy can take its toll during the journey so it is better to have your friend or relative pass this important test first. Then, she must faithfully follow the complicated fertility procedure instructions, including taking injections and other medications, going to medical appointments and undergoing medical procedures. All of these steps are critical to a successful surrogacy. If your friend or relative does not follow all of the instructions she is given to the letter, the result may be a failed cycle and no pregnancy. When you use a friend or relative as your surrogate, they may not take their responsibilities as a surrogate as seriously as an unknown woman who is being paid to be your surrogate. An unknown surrogate will make sure to act responsibly because she is financially motivated to do so.

If your friend or relative does not meet all of the doctor’s medical requirements for a surrogate, you may request that the doctor allow her to proceed anyway, because she makes you feel the most comfortable and you think she is the most affordable option. While the stipend you would pay to your friend may be less, using your friend as a surrogate mother may end up costing you much more in the long run. If you friend is not medically qualified to act as your surrogate, the chances for a successful pregnancy may be dramatically decreased and you may need to repeat the fertility treatments until a pregnancy is achieved. These treatments are normally very expensive, and you may not be able to afford all of the treatments you need to have before a pregnancy is achieved. Using a friend as your surrogate may end up costing you much more than using an unknown surrogate would have cost you.

If your friend or relative is not medically qualified to be your surrogate mother, you may decide to not use her as your surrogate. This can potentially create a lot of problems in your relationship with her. Perhaps your friend or relative was really counting on the money you would have paid her to be your surrogate and is angry that you are changing your mind. Perhaps she may feel as though she is incompetent or not good enough to be your surrogate mother and feel resentful towards you. You might blame your friend or relative in the event that the fertility treatments fail and be angry with her. You might be resentful of your friend or relative if she insists on being your surrogate despite not being medically qualified since she may be hurting your chances of having a baby.

Getting someone you know involved with your surrogacy journey may seem like a good plan to you. In reality there are very few times when using a friend or relative as a surrogate mother are as low-cost, successful and stress-free as the intended parents had planned. Using someone you know often increases the treatment costs and chances for emotional conflict and decreases the chances of success. It is more preferable to use a surrogate referred by a reliable surrogate agency. Surrogate agencies have pre-screened these surrogates by reviewing their medical records and background history. These surrogates from surrogate agencies are medically qualified to carry a child to term. They are emotionally stable and know exactly what their responsibilities are on your surrogacy journey. To ensure a stress free surrogacy, it would be better to trust surrogacy agencies that know exactly how to support and help you with this journey.

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